i meditated today...
but there were no tears, i promised you better than that...
true to the soul...
father to the fatherless, returned to the father of us all...
near to my heart...
like the sun scorches deserts, your fire still burns on...
i found the path...
tread upon by thousands, but your footsteps are clear...
devil claimed lives...
freedom was found in train stations and ignorant children...
a million voices...
but she walked along and walked astray and walked alone...
been lost and found...
she lived here, but we went there, to bring her back home...
thank you again...
because you did nothing and you did everything for me...
spirit cries out...
driving on freeways reflecting on anger, apoligies and silence...
i meditated again...

-a coffin and a wedding-

walk into a haze of confusion and pollution, stand on corners of city blocks slinging rocks like i own these places...
prophets walk past, collapse as their faith messages fall on deaf faces and ashy concrete stared at by haunted gazes...
replaced angst with praise when i saw ocean waves claim territory and divinity declaration, this is his freedom song...
coffins turned to life savers, as precious as it is the voice calls the unworthy and its our occupation to play along...
hypnotizing mind tricks these mirages dissipate into collages of bitter men studying their fathers unloving barrages...
sit in curiosity as a cacophony of noise rises from the faithful waiting patiently and leading upward their entourages...

-just in urban melody-

elevating poetry in twisted symmetry, i float like islands in skies of wicked trickery...
rise on angels wings but hold the devils right hand, the grip around my throat is my own...
burning candles in memory of fantasies, unlived and unborn like little sisters misery...
wore the wood out on my guitar top, fingers tap a finish that resonates my soul she drones...
confused like blind men in sunshine, i feel but see only the farthest reaches of my face...
in love for god he brands a cross in his skin, ink leak, pour like tears from mothers eyes...
a gasping breath, i struggle on my knees to fall into a mirage mixing alcohol and space...
the angel over my shoulder holds a knife, daring me to choke myself before he takes my life...

-rocked adidas back then-

i saw the moon dressed in a black dress, waiting patiently she calls...
tattooed on her chest the pains, i express spraying paint on brick walls..
i am truly sorry for seeking closure selfishly, laying my burdens on you...
concrete shes troubled, mountains they crumble, ink in skin bleed through...
wore a wedding band in mourning with rats smoking blunts like gentleman...
dazzled by the scent of feminine, i fell in love before and we will again...
ink pours soul in offering, waiting for gardens to pierce the city blocks...
changing moods dissonance in the midst i wait and twist these dirty locks...
and if hues could speak loud, listen, hear the tunes of love and pain...

-paint drips to the floor-

kneeling on dirty carpet, worn out guitar and soul, shes beautiful...
basement room feeling the sea breeze winter cold, i felt pitiful...
wondering when god will cry with me, will you stay with me a while?...
i read that god is waiting on the devil to become a gorgeous child...
troubled, puzzled, curious at heretical implications i pondered...
wandered off the beaten path with nothing but life to squander...
in a brief moment, prostitutes and preachers became best friends...
lord and i made amends looked towards ends as a means to transcend...
i stood there with locks of hair waving as guitar strings hummed...
wooden beads grew like smokeless trees just as if it all just begun...

-never been there before-

woke up dreaming of the wrong woman, holding her tight...
greed is crawling, babies hung out to dry in starry night...
living in concrete jungles alone excited by our differences...
our brethren its never them inciting our insignificance...
grace and mercy hurts me, its ignorance that birthed me...
this world is cruel and god be cool, im still unworthy...
wise men say move on, dont hold on to jezebel of babylon...
sounds of strings crescendo, tremble until my souls gone..
now i understand crashing waves and the vastness of it all...
standing on top it all is just a misfortune before i fall...
interposing sorrow into tales of love, joy, hope and lies...
disturbing peace in eyes haunted by drawn out goodbyes...

-god waits-

undeniable victims intentionally confused...
innocence laid out, assaulted and abused...
dancing frantically within mellow tunes...
find myself clear between stars and moons...
exploding like pleasure unwind in vanity...
playing in shadows and flames ravish me...
ideas of revolutions bleeds insignificance...
indifferent and ignorant this system is...
need justification for a soul to live on...
mountaintops, summer drops hypocrites gone...
children of prostitutes with tainted blood...
crawling, falling, bawling, raised with love...

-avenida-

unfortunate that im losing control...
deliriously spinning heartless soul...
screaming struggles on cigarette tips...
laughing flowers and bleeding wrists...
beauty broken dreams, hoping schemes...
shifting sandals, desert open streams...
betrayal bites harder than your clutch...
bones brittled, bitter winters touch...
ricochet my hatred by spilling ink...
clockwork backwards pour me a drink...
think or try, this pains too intense...
morning through my window makes sense...

-wake up its time for work-

your lips touched mine, could i hide my surprise?...
your voice so pure, beautiful angel and my demise...
a child that bears one of her own, still innocent...
hold her belly, feel the beat and remain indifferent...
clouds over my head, could my nights get any darker?...
tiny hands grasp my finger, could she be any farther?...
silent songs sung by she, melodies of the heavens...
music in the walls of her womb, draw a deep breath in...
ease into the harmony of oblivious children dancing...
breathe the scent of flowers and stains of grass green...
they want to dance in the soft glow of moonlight...
but tragedy twisted some of us to fear the night...
the wicked may roam, the walls of our home remain...
open windows breeze curtains over picture frames...
joyous noise of you and me as us in silent bliss...
this brief moment feels like my first last kiss...

-another silent night-

beauty when the sun shine, stays beauty when the sun die...
do my eyes deceive i or do i see her when the tears dry...
the cold winter wind bites my bones and reminds me of home...
sing a song and wonder if youll sing along or if im alone...
i dont belong there, there or here, but i fit everywhere...
i can act like im strong and indifferent, but i really care...
green turns autumn and joy turns grey, but still she shines...
and hope never dies, her eyes still gaze deep blue into mine...
pound the ground and curse our god, but that was yesterday...
grasping at thin air, embrace grace and let it mellow away...
i guess the question is really aimed at who i really am...
will you share my confusion or is it too hard to understand?...

-delicate flower-

mourning in the morning dark, the smoke glazes my eyes and soaks my clothes...
piano keys crawling jazzy notes on out of tune strings singing chaotic prose...
lost love led me to a higher place of progress, the past still haunts me...
sting my eyes with smoke to hide the tears i cry for you, life taunts me...
never drank away my hurts, but now i understand, id rather smile than frown..
rather laugh than cry, rather act a fool than know whats actually going down...
never smoked up the pain, but now i understand, id rather blow it all away...
rather let it fade in haze to distant memory, teach myself im going on my way...

-living a dream-

inebriated by intuition, suddenly i find myself where the echoes stop...
captivated by presence, my own silence deafened by the weeping rocks...
dedicated to struggling, wont you dance with me into the starless night,,,
bastard childs ineptitude, hopeful wishes that written pages take flight...
pouring oil into the ground, the dirt that defines my scratchy falsetto...
listening to crashing sounds passing down alleys, tell death to let go...
a thousand times over, bound by a mirage that can never hold me down...
emancipated i stand free, these broken chains could never hold me down...

-freedom i hear-

i wish the blood would flow up back into my heart, to take back what i gave you...
its harder to accept fate and faith and the intricacies of doing what it is we do...
having questions answered solves nothing, but questions drive me to find answers...
you, in the damaged receptacle that is me, pouring love through blood backwards...
and your heart indeed beats in my chest, so it pains me to give nothing in return...
it pains me to ask you to take back what you gave, love enslaved flares to burn...
every time i tell myself, commit myself, but ideas of true love leave me cynical...
i say its me, but the truth is its us, and to love us would take a divine miracle...

-wrestling with angels-

maybe its my egocentric nature, so i apologize, i am an only son...
abandoned and lost by those who call me child, but found by one...
deemed a bastard before i was born, their eyes reflecting hatred...
birthed naked and was never fully clothed, insecurities unabated...
fathered by a true love that ive seen withered away by disease...
inspired by a passion that hung itself, relenting to his miseries...
found significance poured tears, and strength enough to admit it...
found deliverance in realizing that my actions were indeed wicked...
knew closest friends who killed each other for each others hustle...
a man murdered on a corner for 12 dollars, his different struggle...
seen a blind man receive healing to see that he didnt miss much...
and realized that to heal pain only requires a loved ones touch...
a barrage of emotions has led me to a place i can not yet reach...
a collage of my life, mosaic of what i have been taught to teach...
ive seen busses used as fiery barricades in cities far down south...
for a revolution witnessed by my own eyes, led by word of mouth...
seen mountainsides of mango trees and walked bustling city streets...
seen federal police in third world countries riot in their sleep...
been in trains, flew over expansive waters pictures cant capture...
in back of cop cars with fear, rode shotgun backwards in laughter...
fell in dark places where i found helping hands to pick me up...
lopsided heart, birthmark symbolizing my past of unrequited love...
my feet have met soil from the world and still craves for more...
and my skin has felt the stickiness of louisiana from before...
my hands have grazed a womans face and raised a joyous praise...
my heart has seen the lord, not by my eyes but through his grace...
the trouble of it all is to define experience with poetic tact...
but the story of my life is mine to tell, and for you to react...

-self/centered-

she stole my smile and gave me crooked teeth, and i thank her...
because she exchanged my tirading banter with painful splendor...
to see her pass away was better than never gazing into her soul...
that day with her made me complete, breaking me made me whole...
was judas destined to betray like she was never meant to stay?...
or did he choose to disobey like we by my choices led astray?...
and with one last dying breath, she said she saw a shining sun...
her new life just begun, and mine wondering what it will become...
to see lives ripped apart, tearing at my being, my lips quiver...
returning to life giver, ironic that it is death that delivers...
the bitter juice that rapes my liver reminds me of our fights...
building character by burning bridges, accenting starry nights...
the burn in my eyes left unsoothed, unmoved to my inner core...
though i lost my smile, there remains a hint of what was before...

-the day that steals a smile-

the lucid call of the cross beckons me, to better me, to lessen me, blessing me in gods heart open...
wrestling with memories of forsaken destinies, asking trying questions of if i chose or if im chosen...
and if the devils tempting spree overcomes my lacking strength to be one of those who live as christ...
may the good lord forget of me in sight of his sons love to see, and lift me free my undeserving life...

-now i lay my soul to wake-

this boy thought he was a man, but he was full of forced braggadocio...
claiming to be the intuitive author of his life, a bland, empty portfolio...
a certain kind of pride that blinds the pious fool to his uncertain claims...
dreaming that the lord was calling names, his destined to a pit of flames...
he screamed in defiance for a definition of sin, a whisper across the chasm...
in his phantasm of awake moments, in fear and trembling his mind did spasm...
so he walks on, pondering philosophies and realities that daily contradict...
because theology finds no place in the lifestyle stream of a heroin addict...
this man reverted back to childhood, while his son watched his father die...
the sole alternative to a maddening level of stress, stepping back to sigh...
a breath of relief? waking next to woman not his wife, someones daughter...
when did he fall so deep? shes fifteen, he old enough to be her grandfather...
child molester, perverted rapist, but he didnt mean to take it that far...
prayed to stars to make it all disappear, she marred by a lifelong scar...
but he went to jail, stone cold tombstone marked with solemn sour hate...
the cord around his neck soaked with his bewildered tears lacking faith...
this woman cries herself to sleep every night wondering what went wrong...
how winter grips her heart and liquor soothes her bluesy morning song...
attempts by her husband to comfort her were far too little so long ago...
shes pushed everyone out of her territory, her short life did plateau...
little did she know the repercussions of her act, a father and son shamed...
her depression, mans transgression, sons dependence, she is to be blamed...
but little did i know, she once crossed paths with the writer of this poem...
i neglected her haunted eyes, sidestepped her gaze on my merry way home...

-other side of a narrow road-

sometimes i tease myself with some of the ideas that flutter between my ears...
inconsistent fears of insoluble tears mingle in my mouth with inexpensive beers...
what was once sweet to me now bitters my taste, a waste of my contorted face...
the merging of our fates led me to believe that it was ok to live out of place...
i write to you or someone else, and i write to discover what i already found...
inspired by revelations of tribulations brought upon the ground where im bound...
bloodied oceans scarlet red, even my estranged father reveals himself deranged...
its been prearranged that my idiosyncratic ideas are me and me alone unchanged...
the only thing that makes us unique is our common lack of a single unique trait..
fighting so hard for individuality desecrates the system of our creator irate...

-dialectic dialogue-

guided by voices and noises, i think its hysteria...
but in this sick and twisted country, its the media...
and this is not an anti-america, anti-life writing...
i am not a political man social justice striving...
if apathy was a religion, call me a pastor figure...
but this nostalgia of america leave me so bitter...
so much sound blasting my head into throbbing echoes...
called like schizos and piercing threw my bellows...
guided by misfits that exist only within fantasy...
the musings of a writer not mine, creating reality...
bombarded with half truths and some outright lies...
numbing my senses to life by deceiving my eyes...

-typical vernacular-

i remember when we used to walk down hallways...
always talking about good old days gone away...
misplaced words and chatting about our futures...
we found ourselves for sure, but still insecure...
but do you remember when we would walk onward?...
no matter how i turned the situation awkward...
and i felt joy when she thought we were steady...
but you, you were different, i was never ready...
and now, oceans keep us distant, never to see...
i regret that times healed this longing to be...
together is a moment before life tears us apart...
together is an illusion before we must depart...
together is a memory of our cursed destiny...
together is the delusion of a shared journey...

-and its ok-

you happen to be, delicate angel, so why do you express your love to me?...
your beauty captured my eye, and its with this lonesome heart i see...
finding solace in misery and grief, the lonely yet graceful falling leaf...
a passionate disbelief, searching for peace and nazareths bloody thief...
resolute and absolute, a prostitute denied experience too easy to refute...
we execute the mute and embrace the perverted ideological attributes...
and ideals are what we strive for, but its for you that my heart yearns...
so burns the mountainsides, turns out its beyond control and concerns...
and draped in bloody flags turned bloody rags, we fight so much for now...
raising eyebrows at written wedding vows, a mere moment of what god allows...
glimpses of dreams that fade swift, on oceans take drift, somethings amiss...
the rift between you and i exists so that i may appreciate the greatest gift...
i will bury light and let it grow, bury light and let it fall in violence...
the angels steps struggles in silence, scattering seeds in common sense...
hide behind veils of apathy, revealing my fear, struggling with grace...
walk with you or walk elsewhere? who the hell cares? wrinkles my face...
the grooves pattern canyons in my forehead, a crease for each lifetime...
ive sought and ive found, but still confused at our religious lifelines...
and i rhymed to find minds crossroads, just to find that i was off tune...
and i wrote chaotic images of dead thoughts, to find roses in full bloom...
so pardon me if i cant gather words proper for you, you find me at unease...
but if you please, we can find love if you look past my inadequacies...

-a loss for words-

dedicated to wasting away i journey through the turmoil...
in loving memory for those that i may have once loved...
the bond that i shared with strangers dragged in soil...
and the idea has arrived, a certain concern from above...
relevant and unrelated, slow but impossible to avoid...
benevolent but hated, the bitter cup of love destroyed...
circumvent the desecrated, the ones of unclean tongues...
represent the long awaited arrival of heavens heights...
fading like isolations fire burning heavy in my lungs...
wasting away like queens, we wait for our last rites...

-out of date-

sacrilege of mothers torment, the bite of a blade cuts so light and swift on skin...
my troubled mind of sin, a blast of cold air within, veins blackened with oxygen...
absent minded and in some kind of beautiful daze, a praise for the tree smoke haze...
orange skies on fire, scent of broken days, staring at the brightest stars gaze...
privilege of life fades, flows and ebbs between consciousness and where sisters weep...
where even the devil eats his words and desires salvation but cant find what he seeks...
and i look outside to find the answers i already have inside, the storm remains calm...
a foolish gesture of pride, but all aside, the thickening of blood pools on my palm...
wrists twist so gently, the pain travels intensely, the silent screams of exorcisms...
the beating of my heart, pounding in my brain, life has taken her latest victim...

-a brief moment of regret-

unveil my eyes, darkened by the allure of she so impure...
either she or i whose insecure, a burden too heavy to endure...
to own the world or rather find a place to embrace rejection...
and while the mirror does not see, she accepts my reflection...
under the sweet veil of female, the bitter harshness hides...
like mixed drinks and cocktails, to conceal her evil vibes...
and we both see like blind men do, led by pure inhibitions...
be my eyes or be against me, who will lead our twisted vision?...

-veiled-

wish i was born in south africa or north korea, but i was born in chicago...
wish i was a genius and talented in the mind, but im not one to think...
wish i was a loner or a leader, but i am always behind someone to follow...
wish i was a nigga or a honky, but they look at me and see a yellow chink...
wish i was a tree hugger or a city thug, but im just another suburban kid...
wish i was a survivor or a millionaire, but i hang out in the middle...
wish i was pure good or black evil, but in shades of grey is how i live...
wish i was a man of strength or cunning, but all i do falls so brittle...

-wish i was-

if this facade of happiness faded, would i stare at the hollowness and scream?...
if staring into the mirror of life left me jaded, would i abandon my dreams?...
am i fulfilled or is there much more? everyday my image of you grows bigger...
if you spoke to me, could i hear your voice? am i too deaf to hear the whispers?...
the lightning and thunder, burning fire muddles my synaptics beyond comprehension...
my father and my mother, my sisters passing, and my own death before conception...
the question is why, and the question is often asked but an answer never grasped...
like piano keys that confuse my hands, imploring my last gasp to leave me unmasked...
the future that haunts my past, the past that always comes back to kick my ass...
but i know you, trust you, love you, i will hold onto you as life comes to a crash...

-my psalm to you-

the harder it seems, the more desperate my soul feels in the gasp to escape...
the world that crumbles down, breaks its walls to bury my soul, it still breathes...
even the stuttering of my breath provides life, deepening into most unfamiliar traits...
a subconscious reaction to avoid meeting my judge who already knows my heart and deeds...
but the lives of poor children cry out in desperation through facades of happiness...
content in foolishness, blind to light, aware of sight, the bind of my own selfishness...
these moving lips that speak emptiness in the hollowness of this cursed continuum...
a vicious cycle of displaced vengeance not mine or anyones, taken in oblivion...
apologies are hypocrisies, the lies of our fathers, the dreams of the shattered...
scattered, flattered by the falsification by fathers, this life never mattered...

-she said forever-

a fitting end, sliding, slipping, simple inches that separate us from the angel who mourns...
if not for a brief second, mothers and sisters and others flooded with visions of firstborns...
these children that saw the shadows of shadows go up in flames after a day of pouring rain...
were the same that saw their fate slip into broken wheels, death the protectors did restrain...
shaken up but not broken down, resilient as ever to not end up so near deep down underground...
six feet of dirt is six lifetimes of hurt, the sixth sense sees satan coming to steal my crown...
so it floods on our coffin, a cage that seals our lives, the tears of god lead me his throne...
the untamed road before us, death she beckons, time is gone, short, alive, awakened at home...

-flood on me-

1986, many years gone by since youve long been gone...
sun never to rise past the horizon of bloody dawn...
the red flare streaking across the blackness of my eyes...
returning i to the giver of life, bittersweet compromise...
a legion of angels mourned, even the devil shed tears...
left me blind, broken hearted, grasping for lost years...
how can the blood of one child stain the brothers hand?...
where was your father to take a stand and be a man?...
ironic that my father left, bruised and beaten down...
when i was to protect you, there was no one to be found...

-fooled me twice-

foolish child, the path we take, backs they break in the aftermath of hate...
no one to face the wrath of fate but the savior to lead us pass the gates...
give me love or break my heart, i still miss you like bloody cocaine stains...
staring at mirrors, mind in different places, pouring myself in strained vain...
wretched fool that i was like the wretched fool who so easily cursed his name...
three times he sinned, lighting his defiant candle in the midst of hurricanes...
now the wretched fool i am has seen the road to hell and turned my face away...
child, open your eyes to see, every step in darkness leads to brighter days...

-conversation-

young girl, hold your mothers arm tight, dont be lost amongst the crowd...
outside your mothers embrace is the world of strangers, diseased and proud...
reveling in their filth and shame, misguided fools leading misguided fools...
lifes been cruel and lifes been hell, but you were the brightest of jewels...
hold onto your mothers arm, please, dont leave, i swear i will soon return...
confused on my own, these tears came years late, come spilling down to burn...
god whispered in my ear, sweet sister, it was our times we could not share...
gone, life is soft, weak, fragile and short, so please hold onto your mother...
too late, life is gone, so is my chance at redemption, no longer a brother...
i did not love you, but i love you now, love is life, soft, fragile and weak...
short it was, short it will be golden streets, but for now it will be concrete...

-drifting in moonlit day-

stare into me, the depths of my eyes, alive i shine with the love of the gone...
if dying was the way to live, we would live with passion to death and beyond...
my church said no to the men with no homes and ladies working on boulevards...
its our church that rejected the filth and dirt, foolish deeds of foolish hearts...
my savior walked with traitors and the shamed, i will walk that way as well...
my savior embraced the sinners, rather than distance and reject them to hell...
every tear ive cried is gone, called me son and called my sister his daughter...
he said blood is thicker than water and wine, its the greatest love he offered...
so one day at a time, lets celebrate in the midst of the disease we call home...
forever is just a blink away, forever was yesterday, hung with nails and thorns...

-forever is today-

black mushrooms, with his golden blue spots...
rainbow in my visions, grown out the box...
the swirling and twirling, dancing colors...
ambience of the funkiest smell of lovers...
babylon, where are you going now babylon?...
burnt down so quick, where have you gone?...
shut up you liar, i am an evolution of you...
the voices dancing in my head and through...
dancing across the river of tears bled...
my blood cries and calls the lord of all dead...
i am the brother, or am i the brothers keeper?...
mushrooms lay root in my soul, lay deeper...

-only if life was so sweet-

inhale, white snow, so cold, but everything is fine...
this hole, it grows, deep down, pain inside this time...
this blood, it flows, left me and my head is spinning...
my nose, it froze, the veins, blackened and thinning...
may be, that i am, in love, she who wants to kill me...
easy and she puts out, much joy, this lust is empty...
she leaves, i call, she comes, down and dirty again...
she sleeps, i need, she wakes up to hurt me again...

-bloody nose-

convinced that she still loves me, and i her as well...
its those words between us that dont travel to tell...
dark shores, but the suns coming up behind me...
morning chill grows, hoping she will come and find me...
when i said i loved her, it was just to get her into bed...
but now i realize that i meant every single word i said...
the oceans waves crash and wash sand over my feet...
burying my sorrow to find a rose to kiss so sweet...

-scarlet-

toxins in the air, a greyish mist covers the nights stars...
crossing from sidewalk to sidewalk on a street void of cars...
but with the peeling and screeching around corners, he comes...
spotlights they freeze me, slowly he hits me, quickly he runs...
with a thud he lifts me, for a second, i am the toxin in flight...
red blood splatters upwards to paint a pictureon the night...
but it falls down just as i did, sprawled on paved streets...
staring up at the sky, feeling trampled under the devils feet...

-flying-

she stared at me, devoid of emotion, i wondered if she heard me...
then she said that no one loves her, sins bound to her filthy dirty...
she remembers how her mother held her close, warm against her chest...
now that baby lies cold in bed, while strangers nibble on her breast...
i told her, that this book i hold so dear can be her salvation and hope...
and she told me that was a joke, she found freedom in a length of rope...
she said one day she would tie it around her neck and jump off a bridge...
if not her neck broke, she will then choke, thats simply how it is...
drugging up in alleyways, selling lust for money, innocence is weak...
shes independent, umpimped, so it is she thats hustling the streets...
but i told her that theres a god who cares, that she has a choice...
now she stares at me, anger in her eyes, i hear a tremble in her voice...
shes already dying, the drugged up sex takes her mind off of her pains...
"can god cure this nasty disease thats poisoned the blood in my veins?"...

-dark alley church-

and so it is, our love shattered into pieces of broken glass stuck to my feet...
too much pain for me to stand or walk, i drag my body across bloodied streets...
and if you wrenched away even the tiniest portion of my heart, am i incomplete?...
imperfect have i become again, bloody me, crippled is the soul that turns weak...
what was once lovely has turned its back to me, downcast staring at the ground...
thieves in the night came to steal, its lonely here, feel free to look around...
pretty girl spun my world awry, please tell me if theres anything to be found...
a slight bit of confusion, but a nights sleep is all it takes to fade away now...
so tell me, if my mountains crumbled and the ocean waters of my soul went dry...
as the stickiness grown left my mind blown, am i stuck inside or heavens high?...
i will pull myself up, always walked on my own, but give me a moment to rise...
i cant take back the love i foolishly gave, so i end it, content with reprise...

-looking over my shoulder-

so the flower unfurls...
shocking orange and white...
the exotic kind that grows...
only in the deepest jungles...

a blend of yellow and red...
streaking crimson inside...
a beauty that shines...
outside the light of the sun...

and as nighttime arrives...
the glory recedes...
hiding its petals from me...
but i have already seen...

so i will forever believe...

-sometimes its a different flower-

dont leave tonight, stay another day, i cant bear to see you walk away into the dark street...
lie next to me, let me listen to the complicated polyrhythmic inflections of your heartbeat...
and maybe i can soothe the sad sorrows that echo through the hollow chambers of your mind...
lets not our breaths heavy or our souls empty, we can be something of substance, much refined...
lets not prostitute our words but let them be the angels surrounding all our stories told...
so close the window, the air outside is cold, talk to me and open the window to your soul...
let your eyes rest, lay your head on my chest, may out hearts beat in unison, forever steady...
you will always be the rhythm in my life, and i can be your heartbeat, but only if you let me...

-heartbeat-

dont break my broken heart anymore, beyond a metaphor im fighting for...
dont reach out from your grave, cant ignore that your daughters a whore...
youre burning in the lake, you burned on earth, so dont visit my dreams...
youre not welcome, you never were, stay away with your hellish schemes...
burrow your claws in your flesh, bury yourself under the weight of sin...
benevolent facade melts away and you are revealed, a human born demon...
pay for your wrongdoing, with your evil brethren where you all belong...
all along you were the ghost that visited me, made me weak yet strong...
i hated you, and i still feel the stirrings of anger, it desires to live...
festering infection that grows and blackens, but im striving to forgive...
...
whats done is done, and my broken hearts been mended by merciful grace...
my hates i erase and let love entwine its vines and lay root in its place...
if id seen you face to face before you paid your dues at judgments throne...
i know, deep inside, i would have forgiven your debts as he did mine own...

-final nail of a saga-

sensation, creeping visions, nervous suspicions, desire to murder this hate inside...
serpent coiled around little baby doll, speaking to abraham across the great divide...
feeding frenzy on a pure soul, freakish chanting, any attempt at salvation denied...
injustice reigns, dark corners hide shadows crawling around from afar, naive pride...
blood on the tip of the knife, pouring onto scrawled note wrote for someone to find...
on my hands, in my hands, clenching fists, pour out everything, let red intertwine...
watch the black wrap itself around my arms, the choicest wine from the thorny vine...
scavengers circle to ravage, mingle in the pool formed, this presence much maligned...
nerves twitch, unmerciful chill, wind cuts to marrow, its coming, ive been waiting...
is this death? serpent release me, please, falling, pain, numb, life, slow, fading...

-last child-

apparently, words cannot express my sorrow, we could have been altogether different...
i dont know if i miss you, even though i do, only god and she known your true existence...
what if it was to be, a tragic family, rooted upon the dictation of a spiritual fallacy...
an infamous brutality, unfortunate circumstances forced on you, who i will never see...
mother with daughter, son without father, brother with a sister half his own but shares one soul...
washed away from the shores of life, a river engraved its way through bruises, new and old...
so in unbeknownst memory of you, i will scribe 1986 to remind me daily on my wrist...
no matter what has happened or will happen, i will remember, i love you little sis...

-apparently 1986-

she said she would see me when it was my time to go to where she was soon to arrive...
she closed her eyes and said goodbye, windows shattered inside, poured rain and cried...
and now i know the poison is not a curse, sometimes thats the way things unravel...
and now i know that death is what will happen, the final road, relief, to travel...
she lay so still, she lay at peace, while tears of saints stained the land around her...
i hid behind pipes and brews, a coward to the evil forces that took away her power...
but now i know that the cancer in her was nothing next to the cancer she was fighting...
the cancer of this world that she fought valiantly, she walked into gods arm, smiling...

-bride-

i wrote a song for you last night, plain and unadorned, just my guitar and i...
the music failed me more than i failed you, but i promise you that i still try...
a quiet little piece, two girls sleeping, scratchy throat, lowering the voice...
thought of past relationships and how lucky intuition proved you the best choice...
the sparkle in your eyes, my life easily consumed, music softly filling the room...
hush, acoustic, even if i play too weak or sing too rough, listen, hearts volume...
thats why i wrote this song, because i do remember you and will never forget...
no need for unforgiveable regrets, i worked my bones bare to not get you upset...
but you never cared, did you? i never noticed that all you wanted was devotion...
to be around, be near, be with me, same feelings lingering to back that notion...
so i wrote this song, appreciation for the absolute ecstasy we had and may still...
i take that back, there is no doubt in any corners inside my skull that we will...
so i wrote this song, hoping it would motivate me pick up my phone and call you...
have one of those conversations that we used to, long, beautiful, one from two...
and all we went through, knocking at my door, pursuing a wonderful relationship...
hope this is heartfelt in its unoriginality,wrote this for father, son and spirit...
i strive to be yours again, so i wrote this song, god, for you its rings true...
"i will walk by faith, and not by the ways of this world, i will walk, with you"...

-a song for you-

pretty pretty girl, oh lovely lovely girl, got my world turning for you...
be alive with me, spin my world around, from cold nights to morning dew...
dont you worry, be together with me, throw all precautions into the wind...
jump into the ocean with me, waves high with moon bright, midnight swim...
rose sparkles and we can dance in each others arms, to love you i care...
i saw you glancing in my direction, you caught me staring at your hair...
and turned my world inside out, and spun it around again, deeper i go...
pretty pretty girl, i see you too, we can take it fast or take it slow...
oh lovely lovely girl, i can see now, loving me makes your world turn...
dont you worry, steadfast we will be to live our love with no concern...

-happy as i can be-

stupid one, are you too blind to see, that we are enemies, locked in bitter rivalry...
old man, its not hard to be, foolish your mercy be, dripping blood, youre biting me...
dear friend, crimson red it shines, travels up my spine, wrenching shivers in my mind...
lord god, im running out of time, dying with the flies, bullet riddled wicked rhymes...
now go, leave me all alone, dont come into my home, the seeds have quickly grown...
words flow, crackle to atone, monotone it tends to drone, sarcastic metronome...
so talk, burn this sinking ship, shoot the dying pig, with tear stained eyelids...
whats new, went down to hell and tripped, was a dead mans wish, his very last trick...
its gone, your ships set sail, eyesight yellow and pale, single drip to mournful wail...
youre through, sight covered veil, tunes of the nightingale, step up since you failed...

-open window-

why didnt i say something? i lusted after the words that you spoke...
the melancholy intensity of the heartwrenching poetry that you wrote...
having me ponder inadequate words of love for you, a woman unknown...
inspired me to drop my pen, write from outside the boundaries of home...
from deep within as this womans child, unborns unmarked gravestone...
with lips just inches from, brushing kisses with, the nights microphone...
amongst the jumbled thoughts in my head, i still hear your revelations...
saw you walking away and i wanted to say, see you again lady temptation...

-be there naked-

try to keep my head above the water, but theres water in my lungs...
attempts to swallow my pride end up with me swallowing my tongue...
it blows me away in this sea of black, city once bustled in my eyes...
now some hustle to get by, while most have to struggle to survive...
seeking greener pastures of psalmic scriptures, black sea i see...
tainted rainbows, fire dance pictures, souls disheartened they be...
faded eyes and jaded smile, disaster within my daily addictions...
memories forgotten, i am not afraid to live by my own convictions...

-road once travelled, disaster in me-

the pain and the agony to destroy by flood, sword and flame...
to have to see his children pass away without knowing his name...
what misery to lay down himself as a sacrifice for my blame...
it burns in me to realize the blood of god covers my shame...
the joy born through pain as the salty tears of my praise...
through sorrow and death, bringing light to this dark child...
his presence brightens up my days in so many different ways...
my heart broken again and again, yet i cannot hide my smile...

-indepth-

black and white keys, ebony and ivory, clothed hammers pounding on steel strings...
major and minor keys, harmony and melody, dissonance of all these broken things...
these crude fingers, appear ever graceful, flutter over notes like cripples walk...
step after dragged step through bars of music, beautiful is but an afterthought...
wishing that the music would say and express all my emotions with truthful angst...
that plodding the wrong notes would sound original, rather than way out of place...
try to soothe your uneasiness or explain in a note why you should be against me...
if the devil had your life in his hands, a sturdy shoulder to lean on tearfully...
i cant force the feeling or channel its mood, ive tried to and ive tried often...
this grand instrument of history might as well be my final home, wooden coffin...

-ambitions-

marlboro light hung from her lips, fire pulsing with her breath...
i stared at her, she teased me, kissing me through her cigarette...
over smokes and laughs, she leaned into me with a gentle subtlety..
her hands held mine when she said she was falling in love with me...
the black streaks in her blue eyes pulsed fiercely with attraction...
the finer details i never noticed before, teasing me with passion...
she and i lay together staring up at stars resting on tree tops...
i desired her like junkies greed rocks and how fanactics seek gods...
so we lay in peace within faint drops of a small stream waterfall...
i knew we had to go our separate ways if and when the father called...
she and i shared each other, said we together can change our fates...
i miss being with her, even if those moments have all gone to waste...

-dirty blonde hair-

i walk a crooked path because my feet are hobbled...
carrying my burdens of ashy pipes and empty bottles...
ive dragged my feet in the depths of hellish acts...
my legs are sore and my back is riddled with cracks...
sometimes i amaze myself with how far i travelled...
how i survived the countless demons i have battled...
but i know there is nothing i have done on my own...
my strength is not enough, i have not walked alone...
and i know each day my burden lightens through grace...
giving up myself to straighten the track of my steps...

-this crooked path-

sitting, smoking, watching the wisps of burnt scents travel and dissipate revealing the background beyond...
feeling high and feeling dead, my mouth is dry and my eyes are red, i saw visions of you, then you were gone...
theres a pipe in my hands and i dont know why, take a deep dragging pull but all i taste are charred ashes...
time to pull my hat over my dark glasses that cover my half closed gaze, look around with paranoid glances...
walking away from where i was before, i saw you again so i followed you into the furthest reaches of space...
planets and stars and galaxies flew past me, or rather, i was flying with no good reason but to give chase...
in the continuum of past and future colliding, i grabbed these locks of hair, medusas snakes smoking weed...
somehow through the thick odor of herbal concoctions, the present is the absolution of all my sins reprieved...
so i know that i am dreaming, you dont exist at all, this has to be a dream because i never knew how to fly...
and my voyage within my imagination is another dream, because its been forever long since last ive been high...

-ode to jah-

someone called my name, but when i turned around, all i saw were shadows covering my sight...
see the misery in my smile, eyes closed and teeth bared happy and bright yet dark as night...
see the haunted sorrow in my eyes, ghosts of those who rose to heaven or woke up in hell...
can you see into the soul of mine from years past? do the demons have many stories to tell?...
hear the sorrow in the rhythm of my heart, slowly pounding itself to death against its walls...
not writing a suicide note, but i will embrace the angel of the afterlife when she calls...
see these weathered hands and feet travelled so long and hard to search for some kind of truth...
but now i know, wish i knew earlier, that this world was meant to destroy, decay and pollute...
as my body breaks and my soul aches, i now search for you who called my name sometime before...
for i know that finding you, will be that beautiful day when i stumble through heavens door...

-voice in my head-

drink up brother, drink it down to the last drop, water pure and clear and free...
lay down sister, share your sheets with no one, you are the embodiment of purity...
i remember growing up and imagining myself flying, swinging swords with the masters...
how sad it was to see i and i temple slowly dying, slinging dope with the bastards...
so drink your drink my brother, let the waves trickle down the bump on your throat...
so sleep soundly sister, i will guard you as best i can through your years of growth...
stepping off the narrow path led me to an easiness devestating and destroying my soul...
with the paradox that is this world spinning out of place with the devil in control...
so drink the drink brother, even if blood stains the water to raise a bitter cup...
so sleep a while sister, if you fall in the darkness, i swear i will pick you up...

-thicker than blood-

the kiss you laid lingers on my lips, my breath is gone, you left me so quickly...
vanished in shadows, i hear your soft steps fading swiftly, will you miss me?...
you left so fast but i feel mellow like hitting high decibel falsetto high notes...
after dry tokes of unpurified smoke, heavy on lungs like the wittiest of sly jokes...
my lips still wet, imagining your hazy sillhouette reappearing to my delight...
but i rather not live disillusioned by this confusion, you kissed me goodbye...
lets not masquerade as lovers, valentine days gone by, i shouldnt have to wait...
its sad to say, i may be lonely but ill move on tomorrow, or maybe another day...

-kissed-

this is the verdict: man shall die because man loves evil...
upon darkness did light shine, brought hope for the people...
but man loved the darkness so long, light he did not notice...
man hates the light, because it reveals his wicked motives...
god will judge, souls will perish and the fire will consume...
all but for those who have been reborn through spirits womb...
why does man reject the love, the light piercing the dark...
from nails and shame, to soldiers spear stabbing so sharp...
grace not earned, yet man follows the path of wrong deeds...
rather than changing mans fate of sin, this grace is free...

-john 3:19-

if the devil shall steal my soul from me, tell him that im prepared for a fight...
if the lord shall come down while i sleep, tell him that my battle starts at night...
if the world shall come crashing down on my head, tell her its not the right time...
if the prophet comes preaching his news, tell him hes preaching to the wrong mind...
when the devil cowers before me, tell him that my battle against his kind is won...
when the lord appears before me, tell him that there is still so much to be done..
when the world is steady as she is, tell her that her blood boils babylon to zion...
when the prophet stands as tall as he can, tell him jehovah was the lamb of lions...
but should i speak to the devil, ill tell him to enjoy the little he has left to die...
but should i speak to god, ill tell him i failed, because success is a human lie...
but should i speak to the world, ill tell her that her scars make her beautiful to me...
but should i speak to the prophet, ill tell him that his life is so pitiful to see...
and if the devil shall steal my soul from me, lord knows he wont have it for long...
and if the lord shall come down while i sleep, i will rise from slumber to glory...
and if the world shall come crashing down on me, i will answer with poetry and song...
and if the prophet comes preaching his news, flying stones will end his sad story...

-stone the prophet-

old gnarly tree, why do you rise with your arms out to birds singing their tunes?...
will you burn not as the bush of moses, or in the fires will your soul be consumed?...
are you bowing in worship or do you reach down to be amongst the people around?...
is your embrace the crown of thorns or comfort from the burning sun coming down?...
are you the son of the tree whom jesus hung upon, on calvarys hilltop lay root?...
or is your cousin the accursed fig tree condemned for she could bear no fruit?...
maybe your grandfather told tales of his branches being used as a shepherds staff...
would your leaves tell stories of songs written, children running, old mans laugh?...
or would war rage on in your whirl? reaching to oceans water just to be blown back...
sun rise and moon bright, stars sparkle and rain drops, you still walk your own path...

-tree hugging-

terrorized, throw down your weapons, its been the same old since day one...
flags wrapped around the wooden homes, violence since the day abel got done...
another day another dies, silence shattered by how loud the mother cries...
worthless lives of men thrown aside, not a moment to stare into lovers eyes...
throw down your weapons, they just cause more death and pain to our lives...
fighting for lies, but i guess our lives is that very same lie simplified...
where are you god? the flames of childrens souls snuffed out by flying bullets...
putting a gun in a childs hand, trigger in his finger, telling him to pull it...
fighting fire with fire gets us burned, innocent hands charred and bleeding...
throw down your weapons, we are the terrorists now, we die for no good reason...
justice reigns like rain storms flood, apathy seems like the path to take...
our lives covered with the wrong blood, sin gives nothing, what can we make?...
should be a good day to fall down on our faces and offer up our very breath...
throw down your weapons, we only fall down to evade the oncoming death...

-misdirected anger-

so its evening at midnight, with soft orange sunshine staying for a while...
so sweet lady the beauty waits for us, the sunlight as warm as your smile...
will you accept this ragged offer? i have to express all my heart has felt...
only fools fall in love, but id be a bigger fool to let you go to somebody else...
your voice enchants me like the strongest wine, your eyes a pool ocean deep...
your innocence pure and childish, nothing so sweet as watching you fall asleep...
my pen speaks its mind freely and speaks of you so kindly to papers embrace...
so walk with me love, i long to wipe the tears and put a smile on your face...
evening light at midnight and darkness may await us in the morning tomorrow...
but we will walk these clouds together, growing stronger through the sorrows...

-evening at midnight-

if i had the heart to love, i would love to be above, shining down on my sweetheart...
star shine bright from places that would take ages to reach, gods greatest art...
the light shines so softly, it brings out your eyes and other such sweet sayings...
wish i could sing so i could serenade you the love i hope my hearts conveying...
i wish the melody of us together would harmonize with angels singing for god up high...
i wish the destiny of us, forever in our eyes would dance like the moon do at midnight...
why am i darkness for your light? the bitter for your sweet? the raven for your dove?...
i wish the wishes of mine of you and i would come true, wish i had the heart to love...

-complicated wishes-

the days pass by, grace thus fly, once where there was a river of tears is a face gone dry...
wont you stay with me sweet lady, wont you dare to try to stop me from acting shy...
trying to be subtle, my words kind of mumbled, know that it is the mighty that will stumble...
as the weak grow strong and strong grow complacent, my simple mind is being crumbled...
just as this accent of mine, with the inevitable passing of time will become as ancient as wine...
from the days when jesus began his actions divine, sweet water drops beyond the confined...
so it is those days of idle bliss that i will miss, with you sweet lady standing by my hips...
like the ecstasy that made us trip, you played a trick when you sent me with one final kiss..
blowing me away sweetly to the stormy seas, facing the painful music with its faceless thunder...
you were the greatest lover, the love that made me wonder when passion would take us under...

-grace thus fly-

with your heart dragging at your feet, and your feet stuck to the ground...
its about the only thing thats keeping you down...
with your eyes closed but you're wide awake...
and when you open your eyes, you're so far away...
with your sorrowful tales of choking back tears...
and your muddled bass lines thats smelling like beers...
its early in the morning, wipe the crust out of your eyes...
please dont look for your bottle, its joyful in your demise...
its young man thats standing on the edge of world...
or maybe young mans lost, standing on the shore...
but this lost mans on the brink of something more...
your brother, mother and father are waiting for you to come home...
house rising above the ocean, and my mind is blown...
feed me, jonesy, feed me, oh feed me please...
you can pass your drug test now...
you can live in peace somehow...
you can live your life in silence, or you can open your mouth...
your home is to the north, but youre walking south...
walk around the world, into the fathers arms...

-home is north, but you walk south-

old gnarly tree, facing towards the east...
old gnarly tree, bowing down to the dawn...
old gnarly tree, crack in the evening sky...
how i long to climb up your thousand arms...
reach my hands up into your maze of age...
dig a little deeper and ill touch your face...
i will set you free from your growing pains...
and use your soul to burn the flame...
i will burn you black to the dusty ash...
hack at your limbs until your roots collapse...

-old, gnarly tree-

the apple fell from adams hand into my lap, i was real hungry, but it was already bitten...
it looked like an average apple except that adam bit it, and adam had such a big mouth...
i could tell that it was tasty even though it looked rotten, or maybe it was the other way around...
this serpent told me it was to be done, i asked him how he knew and he said that it was written...
then this tiny, little angel popped up on my shoulder and told me to throw the apple out...
now im confused because the serpent had legs and feet to keep his face out of the ground...
so i have a half an apple and some random, partially divine beings speaking to me, so im lost...
i dont know what to do or say, and im still hungry, so i went home and made some apple sauce...

-apple sauce ii-

there is such a person...
may be 20 years old, but a baby boy breathes within this young man...
with childish intentions and grandiose ambitions, mouth never shut...
words quickly fly by as young man will keeps talking as much as he can...
seeking attention to cover up the pains, the anger waiting to erupt...
stubborn as can be, competitive to a fault, he can not admit defeat...
thoughtless and shallow, some call him cocky, hes got skills concealed...
a beast among men, slipping into nothing right before he goes to sleep...
and he definitely, very positively does not believe that jesus is real...
this man is someone else...

-someone else-

i heard the apple dont fall far from the apple tree, but i think that was a lie...
because if that apple tree was on a hill, the fallen might roll down the hillside...
if i love you then i say this with a purpose when i call you the apple of my eye...
with all your bruises and your scars that portray the pains you have inside...

-apple sauce-

sitting still, strumming softly, thinking of the things you do to me...
guitar speaking semi-muted songs in this dark and moody minor key...
but my mind wanders off the beaten path to think of who you are...
the angel of my sweet dreams, even though i dont know your name...
youre my fragrance of a field of flowers, the healing for my scars...
youre the ever in my forever, the fire in the ever-burning flame...
sweet scent fading, waking to find the truth behind this fake kiss...
that the beautiful scent of woman was just one of the devils tricks...

-scent of woman-

young man come over here, these pills will take you to another planet...
whole different level of awareness, why do you think big brother banned it...
you want it, so why wait, all i sell is a way to the end of the spectrum...
the bright light at the end of the passage to death, its all in good fun...
how can you call this a sin? i guarantee you wont remember nothing...
dont tell me that this does not entice your desire, stop fronting...
experience the extreme, this is how everyone gets enlightened...
spontaneous surges down your spine, all seven senses heightened...
come on, you know you want it...

-devils fruit-

water falls from the skies and water falls from my eyes...
depths of my mind screams loud as the wild animal cries...
when it rains it rains, i seek sunlight to defeat darkness...
when it shines it burns, i seek rain to soothe the carnage...
so as rain falls on my sorrow, i look towards the next day...
it will be a brighter tomorrow, being hopeful is all i can say...
but when the sun comes, drying up the rain of a day before...
i seek puddles of water to jump in for the sake of childhood memories...

-rain-

beauty is lost, what a shame, forget whatevers been said and done...
countless days sitting in the dark musing the guitar, words escape my lips...
the terror of the night unseen in this existence under this burning sun...
as leaves drop in fall, my soul withers and leaves this mind and body pissed...
exposed to elements, lost sentiments, lies and torture to destroy us all...
laying in the bed, clutching the cellphone, waiting for someone to call...
even in the bright lights of night, walking the streets of downtown world...
this attempt at life is a test i fail, always swinging short of a curveball hurled...
so i wait in the dark, as words tease my tongue to exhale something real...
still, morning comes, and yet all that resounds is the sound of the guitar...

-wandering passage-

20 and then some long years of viewing the world, the day my eyes opened, the day i was born...
so many days gone, sit back and reminisce over my plans to change the world, to change the norm...
tell me to conform, i can act like im listening, i can hear you, im just not feeling you, theres a difference...
i dont hate on no one, but i gotta put up resistance to all the lies you dealing at me with persistence...
follow your routine, follow your synthetically created dream, your simple role in this worldly machine...
thats i grassroots against your mainstream, reality is just another strange dream in the same scheme...
fighting for my liberation from within this prison, just another number caught up in this crazy system...
to keep my knowledge hitting to any who will listen, free my mind with every page that ive written...
what will your mind conceive, what will your mind receive, or have you already been deceived?...
so until the day i breathe free, this wretched existence i leave, i will live my life by what i believe...

-diatribe-

clouded minds, smoke filled intellects, a hazy mist...
still awakening from slumber to daily morning piss...
check myself, wash myself occasionally, step into light...
the morning or afternoon sunshine streams so bright...
welcoming the world with some kind of open embrace...
light fades, world comes into focus, such bitter distaste...
1984 to however much longer is all i have left to give...
the days turn to weeks to months to years that i live...
even as these days pass by in rapidly blurring lines...
all i can do is welcome the world one day at a time...

-welcome, world-

awake my soul, old weary friend it shows in your eyes...
the passion in i, once ageless now old, simple mans demise...
all i see, all i breathe, all i feel is the inner depths of i self...
all i need, all i want, all i desire is someone who can help...
why is passion sleeping, is that not once all i had left?...
i and i temple shut down, this pursuit of life gone to rest...
where is i rebellion, why is everything so out of control?...
old weary friend, take a stand and fight, awake my soul...

-awake my soul-

heavy strums stroll down the strings of the guitar, harmonic madness...
music speaks, music cries, music sings, music reveals inner sadness...
the beat of life pulses its bassy echos, rhythm in its simplicity complex...
lyrical depths exist in one dimension, but holds meaning beyond text...
cries of this heart resound rebellion, but carry child-like dependence...
somebodys still strumming that guitar hard, honesty and innocence...
the cries of this heart ring through hallways and travels to my soul...
forever this song plays, changing tunes and moods until the day im forever old...

-this song of mine-

freedom, sweet freedom, when shall i touch your marvelous renowned?...
how can i reach beyond the stars, when i am chained kissing the ground?...
how can i roam the great earth, when i am chained where emptiness resound?...
how can i explore the deep seas, when i am chained, breathing air that thirsts?...
how can i imagine heaven, when i am chained to a life that seems cursed?...
how can i express joy, when i am chained to the miseries of wretched earth?...
who can set me free? who can break these chains? can someone set me free?...
lord can you break these chains?... oh lord, what must you give up for me?...

-chains-

the feelings fade away, shivering in the dark corner, once again alone...
eyes shift left to right, all thats left are bittersweet thoughts of home...
bottles empty, all thats left is the taste and burn of vomit in the throat...
pipes empty, all that remains is the faint lingering of everpresent smoke...
so cold, so very cold, so alone in this world, this life can be so twisted...
quietly falling, the cold floor welcomes with its icy fingers, so wicked...
crawling on knees, seeking something, anything, going down any random street...
is there hope to stand up and face the pain? this life can be so bittersweet...

-bittersweet-

the dust rises from the stampede of feet running away...
the pounding stirring the earth, wind taking its sway...
entering heaving lungs, overextending its unwelcome stay...
but unfortunately, this is not what im trying to convey...
why were these people running? what caused this rampage?...
birds taking flight, small dog stirring within its cage...
in the mad rush, even lovers went their separate ways...
a beast of sorts? hell on earth? a demon in all its rage?...
not exactly, all i see is a man, hanging upon his cross...
peaceful and content in his agony, thinking for a pause...
dying for us, we ran from him rather than giving applause..
we shed tears later, for we learned our gain was his loss...

-running away-

whispering in my ear, refreshing my soul like the fresh spring breath...
cool, crisp air stirred by motion, faintest hint of fog is what i left...
standing in this nights darkness does not fear me, i am alive tonight...
i only feel angels eyes watching me, the stars are my angels in flight...
the raindrops are the joyful tears of god taking away my restlessness...
moon shines bright, leading me away from the world, i journey my exodus...
a simple moment in my even simpler travels on this scarred battleground...
now i am ready to fight, i am determined to fight, let our warcry resound...

-determined to fight-

blasting at the sky, wondering if god will shed any tears...
shouting until my lungs hurt, concealing all my many fears...
in the hollowness of my anger, my words seem so meaningless...
fading softly like the first kiss, gone like childish bliss...
bringing people near to me, just to tell them get up off me...
blaming others, but its truly i thats killing me softly...
needing a solid truth, faith, and love to tightly hold...
needing god in my life, needing to stay true to the soul...

-blasting-

someone once told me to live life, but it seems like i struggle to survive...
searching for the positive but suffering the negative is no longer a surprise...
flashbacks to days of mellow living, mindless existence, positive vibrations...
one simple decision, life turned rough, i became an enemy of all the nations...
constantly hearing stories of becoming heroes, one man can make a difference...
the last time one man truly changed the world, all others put up resistance...
so why tell to me to be different? why tell me to be unique? its all the same...
making myself strong is in fact making me weak, a constant downpouring rain...
striving to be unique is in fact conformity at its worst, a facade of the proud...
if you need me, im struggling with the rest of them, try to find me in the crowd...

-this life we live-

in the darkness lies a man, dirty and scruff, clothes ragged and tattered...
still breathing, surviving, but his eyes reveal his spirit is shattered...
many nights has he spent crying, tears flowing down dirt stained cheeks...
too tired to even beg for money, even too tired to beg for food to eat...
he has given up even though the warrior within his soul longs to roar...
he gazes longingly at the sky, just one oppurtunity to be able to soar...
but he owns nothing, he's cried so much that he has no tears to choke...
this man is me, this man is us before christ, who has given us the hope...

-hope-

welcome to reality, welcome to the real world, how alive is your cross?...
woke up in the morning, slept at night, all in between seemed so lost...
now i rest restless, the world is now alive in my eyes, alive in its death...
my soul aches to give life to the world, a risen savior it has not yet met...
i am through shedding my tears, i am through crying for this hopeless cause...
how i yearn for the early days of naivety, for my life to be what it once was...
welcome to reality, welcome to addictions and disease, pleasant introduction...
ive opened my eyes to a world of sleaze, demoralization, pain and destruction...
it just is not the same any more, life no longer enjoyable since yesterday...
i see my own insecurities crumble around me, caught up in the worlds decay...
welcome to reality, in its utmost cruelty, devoid of any kind of blessing...
im still tired and weary of this reality, this life is so damn depressing...
but then i know that there is still hope, with new wisdom comes responsibility...
i kneel before the cross, you should come and join me, welcome to our reality...

-welcome to reality-

my legs are weary, 19 years going on 20 years of walking this bleak sidewalk...
the whole worlds against me, actually it probably isnt, but this is how i talk...
consider me young in reality, but i feel so frail in this lifelong soul of mine...
how many times must i endure these sorrows? how can i survive this miserable time?...
if this sounds cliche, it just may be, who knows what the future holds tomorrow?...
the words of men sound hollow, so still i search in vain for a leader to follow...
reaching for the stars, but my attempts to soar end up with me back on my knees...
seeking something, seeking life, seeking you to lift me up from moments like these...

-i am tired-

i think of you more often these days, but slowly, tears stop welling in my eyes...
it hurts me to know that i am moving on, but it joys my heart that god is so wise...
he took you into a better place, and until that day we meet i will not forget you...
sometimes i remember your passion for god and your old man laugh when i feel blue...
do you all look down from heaven? or is this world too sinful of a place to see?...
well i wish you can see what god is doing, how good he has been and will be to me...
one way he's blessed me is that he gave me you, ever since i was but a baby boy...
but you're gone now, but i promise next time i cry for you, it will be tears of joy...

-pastor jimmy rhee-

sometimes i feel so alone, screaming at the top of my voice, just to hear an echo...
sometimes i feel so wretched, miserable as can be, whole inner being feeling hollow...
sometimes i feel so oblivious, as if life is passing by hectic, while i stay mellow...
sometimes i feel so lost, searching left and right for something, anything to follow...
then i know you are there, comforting this lonely heart and filling it with love...
then i know you are there, healing my pain and misery and showing me the good...
then i know you are there, letting me know there is a better plan from up above...
then i know you are there, holding my hand and walking with me, just as a father would...

-sometimes-

as my tear drops slowly towards its inevitable crash with the floor...
a part of me goes along, each drop signifying one step to that door...
the exit of the pain, loss, sorrow and grief for all those dead...
specifically for those whom many wretched tears have been shed...
i'm going to cry until i forget the very reason for which i'm crying...
i'm going to cry until i forget the horrors of imagining them dying...
but for now, i'm left with only the salty taste of tears on my lips...
and knowing that to get to that door, its going to take many more trips...

-i miss you-

i, like all those who regret missed moments, miss the good old days...
the times of innocence when all was free, days gone by in joyful haze...
now a young child with cigarette hanging from his lips, thinking he's cool...
sparking Js, eyes glazed, mind blazed, little does he know he is the fool...
no longer innocent, his desperation sinks in, theres only one way out...
but thats a path not taken, god is not what this young child is about...
a patient man, pleasantly waiting, deeply worried, for child to say please...
for a life of hope and freedom, all this young child has to do is believe...

-young child-

aesthetically speaking, metaphors bore me, but reality is so shifty...
with synthetics becoming our truth, i think the systems out to get me...
even i profess zion, babylon, grassroots and zulu, the way it was before...
but now i view is challenged, like a pause in a beat, suspense is a bore...
does i culture matter? does i roots matter? does i thoughts even matter?...
these narrow roads i travel, sometimes i feel like a movie getting sadder...
from the moment of my conception, i was chosen even before i was born...
its all a journey through conscious existence, not forever i am torn...
so i see this story of mine unravel around me, i walk through unharmed...
all in all in the end, i will survive, with steadfast courage, i am unharmed...

-i walk-

i see a young street poet, moving with ease, speaking his steez...
conditioned by harsh realities, minds and pockets full of trees...
topics of freedom and revolution, emancipation and broken dreams...
how life gives ourselves esteem, and its not as it always seems...
laid back, slinky, walking as time has no resemblance of influence...
the streets have spoken in their souls, we have been through this...
with the funkadelic grassroots and a tattered jacket he spits poetics...
with eyes glazed and theories run wild, conspiracy and those aesthetics...
the very talk commands attention, liberation is a form of fulfillment...
time flew by, young became old, we have not seen the poet ever since...

-young street poet-

misleaded concepts of hallucinations brought by what the future reveals...
music dominated by the rhythm of my soul's pulse fighting with zeal...
if harmony was perfection, i'm living disillusioned in life's symphony...
my spirit leads unbridled and free, flowing with life's rhythmic misery...
walking in silence and writing in the peace of turmoil, life continues...
no matter what i observe in this world, there are many different views...
the insignificance of fighting constantly for domination befuddles me...
in itself is confusion caused by pride that finds it way to trouble me...
focus on music resounding within my mind i draw out its soothing echoes...
letting the rhythm ring, closing out all thoughts of my sorrow and woes...

-i music-

i stare at my paper wondering if im really inspired to write...
out of mind and out of sight, waiting meekly for the dark of night...
the daylight shining bright, mental struggling through a fight...
not everythings black and white, differences of mine taking flight...
my mind can only comprehend what is available to the extent of man...
if i could step any further, in a span of time it's what i can...
but then limits are set to be broken, its for me to take a stand...
and potential is our limit, potential as numerous as beach's sand...
but for now i sit and consider this specific moment in my time...
i see some inspiration in my non-inspiration in writing a rhyme...
it never was a crime to speak my mind unless it challenged mine...
i limit myself to inspiration to lead potential locked in this bind...

-inspiration-

this life i live transcends the barriers of my poetry pages...
as ink leaves pen and bleeds into paper for all these ages...
tempts my emotions with feelings of all different sorts and such...
intricate details of past exploitations for me are just too much...
simplicity in language is the grassroots truth of zulu nations...
honesty and deceit are in fact best friends in my imagination...
life cannot be contained and neither can those who bless it...
words of poems cannot contain one's mind, only express it...
so all in all, words and expression is in all cases limited...
but the life i live soars in winds on wings of the infinte...

-this life i live-

with eyes tight closed i look into the soul of my passion...
with ears hard of hearing i listen to sounds of waves crashing...
with nose clogged up i breathe deep the aroma of the city...
with mouth shut quiet i speak boldly on how life's a pity...
blind, deaf, insensitive and dumb, i hang on to my pride...
with the realization that revolution takes a greater sight...
a sweet tune of music, the aroma of victory, a voice of power...
i sit and meditate on the road i travel, tastes bitter sour...
the open path before me beckons in all directions, decisions...
i am a revolutionary in thought and life, that is my inscription...

-inscription-

the soul of my rhythm, the passion of writing...
the nature of poetry, the battles i am fighting...
the struggles of self, inner child in me scared...
i search for freedom, my heart and soul bared...

-freedom of mind: liberation-

it takes a question to be solved for a solution...
it takes a soul ready to fight for a revolution...
i am ready, i am ready to fight for what i write...
i am ready, i am ready to fight for what is right...
i will fight, i will fight for that which is mine...
i will fight, i will seek the freedom of my mind...
it takes the spirit of the revolutionary to fight...
it takes a loving heart to raise the fist of might...
i raise my fist as a sign of defiance to this system...
i no longer live to die, but to break this prison...
it takes an illness to discover a ones health...
it takes a revolution for i to discover myself...

-revolution-

with details of life's blueprints, i and i temple pauses for a second...
upon my hands, this simple truth and reasoning is the deadliest weapon...
the way to walk, the way to live, the way to think in a positive way...
the very definition of freedom, the assurance of love on an ominous day...
i walk, i live, i think, i ponder all things and write words and poetry...
i do things one day at a time, but with spiritual eyes on the end of me...
the very end of all things living, very end of the impossible, existence...
some deny the truth, some deny death, some put up such stubborn resistance...
but as i walk one day, one step, one thought at a time, it becomes real...
i grow older, i try to mature, i pursue all things with passionate zeal...
i develop my identity, i tell everyone the truth, all those who listens...
so i travel on, with my heart, soul, and hands clutching life's blueprints...

-life's blueprints-

desire runs coarse within my veins like family blood synergy...
passion consumes my heart, pumping desire to the rest of me...
visions i breathe, supplying the passion that propels destiny...
i eat the bread of life, all i need to provide me the energy...

-body style-

dont rape my sister, i was born an only child...
she's been my source of inspiration for a while...
she's beautiful in my eyes, she has a fiery heart...
passionate and intimate, she is a work of art...
don't rape my sister, she provides me all i need...
she works with my father, does not feed my greed...
she's always here for me, even before i was born...
i can't see her raped, all down and ragged torn...
don't rape my sister, she's about to give birth...
she is my life and all, she is my sister earth...

-she's my sister-

still meditating on growing into a better man, learning how to forgive...
made of spiteful bursts of anger, now that's a life i no longer live...
i and i temple rises above others, still seeking for that inner peace...
i will find the truth someday, as surely as the sun rises from the east...
this concrete jungle causes a struggle in me i can barely control...
always walking on these treacherous sidewalks wears a hole in one's soul...
but as i once was dying with hatred, now i die with assurance of salvation...
for freedom is achieved with a breath of relief, that is my emancipation...
i no longer conform to world's standard pattern, not in poetry nor my beliefs...
what do you believe? would you die for it? just let your mind conceive...
i soul cries out in anguish for those who don't trust the aftermath of death...
so i deal with my anger before it consumes me until my very last breath...

-growing towards end-

thank you father for being with me through thick and thin...
for carrying me across the raging river of hate within...
for always being one i can run to when trouble arises...
for being an omniscient being, all knowing and wisest...
i'm sorry for drifting away because you weren't cool enough...
it took me years to realize the diamond beneath the rough...
the love you had for me all along, i was too blind, too dumb...
i'm sorry lord for causing the death of my brother, your son...
sincerely, with love, the greatest thanks, your child, joe...

-to my father-

i love the aroma of the city, breathe deep the pollution...
everyone walks with a goal, heading towards mass confusion...
people seek everlasting life, sucking in those cigarettes...
the beauty of sexual lust, give me some AIDS and syphilis...
nightlife is so attractive, slutty girls in mini-skirts...
the city has a life it's own, destructive to this earth...
the wondrous sight of lights, attracting young and reckless...
only my father keeps me strong, even though i am often tempted...
so i will be different, living my life free is not a pity...
i will stay healthy, even while inhaling the aroma of the city...

-aroma-

isn't my memory of love forsaken and gone, for me alone?...
for my soul, for ym heart, for the place i call home?...
why do i ask questions, when i don't want to be answered?...
why do i write these poems when my feelings get battered?...
why don't i ever have any happy moments to reminisce?...
or is it, why do i never express my joy and happiness?...

-a question of happiness-

waves crash, oceans roar, drowning out the noises...
complex pattern of water, nature roaring its voices...
a simple phenomenon repeatings its thunderous applause...
screaming for no reason, a rebel without a cause...
the cycle of living, repetetive style with no end...
eat, work, sleep, from the beginning start it all again...
the slow speed of life, so much faster than it seems...
lying in a deathbed thinking of some childhood dreams...
please tell me i won't fade away thinking of the past...
but no matter what i do, the waves still crash...

-crashing waves-

caught in this maze of clever rhyme schemes...
the power to write anything my mind dreams...
reflect on days when i used to smoke trees...
feelign sorry and crawling on broke knees...
one step out the door into a cold breeze...
still thinking i might have that old steez...
my new self clashes with my past living...
the facade of past sinning fast lifting...
so poetry is my escape from world rhythm...
watching with heart in a curled position...
life travels on, i slow down to observe...
hoping to catch a glimpse of these blurs...

-growing in poetry-

still travelling the same sidewalks of concrete...
the cool, crisp air refresh i as i breathe deep...
unraveling my thoughts as i expand my lungs...
the conscious thought of speaking my two tongues...
in the soft quiet of night, hear me breathing...
in the ruckus of daily life, hear me speaking...
my thoughts dictate the simpleness of life...
but my words complicate the spiritual side...
words are empty but deliver like hollow points...
burrow into braincells similar to roached joints...
another breath, another thought flashed my mind...
but phrases pause at the tip of i, tongue tied...
another breath, refreshing soul and body...
watch my words because only i can watch me...

-breathing words-

as tears stream down my face, i am rejected
everytime i talk to the world, i am dejected...
as tears stream down my face, i meditate...
everytime i talk to the world, i hesitate...
as tears stream down my face, i and i temple...
everytime i talk to the world, i and i mental...
as tears stream down my face, i am expressed...
everytime i talk to the world, i am depressed...
as tears stream down my face, i am grateful...
everytime i talk to the world, i am careful...
like smooth jazz tones that pleasure are tears...
evertime i talk to the world, i face my fears...
my father is all i need, he wipes my face...
i and i temple step towards the worlds embrace...

-tears i've shed-

thousands of words couldn't explain my desires...
my one and true vision, my passionate fires...
if life was easy, i would hardly hate it...
but since life is hard, i appreciate it...
i love this world, yet i hate this world...
i see this life as a curveball hurled...
even if i swing, maybe i'll come up short...
but i want to swing away, but of course...
my swings are no match for this curveball...
cause life is like giving my all to my fall...
but maybe one day, i'll grab that bronze ring...
keep riding it until that fat lady sings...
love this world because i have my own path...
hate this world because i suffer its wrath...
but words upon words can't describe suffering...
just as words deliver the essence of nothing...
but my desires run deep into the core of me...
i speak not for you to seek, but for you to see...

-i emote-

what is the point of this life? aren't i just gonna fail again?...
if the destination seems miles away, does it even exist?...
if my hearts urges seems to put me in compromises, is it still worth it?...
if my actions benefit self, am i still one?...
is i and i temple living life, or suffering it?...
is my walk a simple walk to nothing?...
or is it some journey towards the spiritual plane?...
if i went without words, would i still convey my image?...
would i still be myself in this torturous existence?...
could i portray my mute view and still be me?...
or will i be a mere image of what i used to be?...

-thought of life image-

i speak words for myself, i write poems for myself...
i think philosophy and invision realities for myself...
but im the type of speaker who says what needs to be said...
im the type of writer who believes his poems should be read...
im the type of thinker who spreads his word to be heard...
i believe one's vision needs to be shared to occur...
but what about you? how is your life? what is your vision?...
do you have dreams? or are you content in this prison?...
do you speak for yourself? do you have your own words?...
do you think for self? does your mind soar like birds?...
do you have a vision? do you struggle through this fight?...
but what do i care, aren't i just in this for my life?...

-innermost living-

does my future hold a life of it's own?...
will i tame the beast or live life alone?...
questions i ask, but not solutions i seek...
for i know the answer within me, keep it discrete...
i and i temple, tumble through but give it my all...
but everytime i'm jumping into another pitfall...
one step at a time, but i get so impatient...
one miscue and it's one more situation i'm escaping...
i get mad cause i dont know whats coming up next...
so maybe i should just live life by television sets...
...
but then again, what time would be devoted to god?...
what time for writing? my staff and my rod...
my pen and paper, my mental, my thoughts, my poems...
my mother, my sweet mother, the very image of home...

-reflections in cool, crisp air-

it seems every person puts their trust into one...
whether it be themselves, their heart, their son...
but rather, i put my trust in a different one, one love...
trust is love, love is meaning, the meaning of...
...
well, i don't have answers, but my minds not screaming...
because my life has trust and love, i have meaning...
for my one love states the whole universe as one man...
for we are created equally, all made by god's hand...
so am i to discern or separate, who am i to judge?...
if you and i are equal, if the world and i are one,
who am i not to trust?

-one love, one trust-

it's not as if my life has existed in three dimensions, but if my life has depth...
meaning, reason, purpose, a light at the end of the path towards the embrace of death...
it's not a vision of fear, for i believe in the supernatural, a vision of peace...
a figurative metaphor for i know not, but still envision a light waiting for me...
i and i temple wanders while writing words in phrases that amazes even the skeptics...
a calm moment in a hectic life, a return not so favored, life is just as i have left it...
for i await towards death, but want to live life to the fullest beyond bland simplicities...
i yearn for the earth's embrace but yet i have not reached the moment of tranquility...
when one wizens and the very eyes become as ancient as the days of edens garden...
the calm serenity of one whose seen all the world has to offer and heart hardens...
the world takes i and i temple through a journey so voyeuristic, original yet crude...
when i return to the earth and my father, i know i lived not with a false attitude...

-awaiting-

walk these sidewalks of concrete, used to be just i and i temple...
walking in the darkness of hatred and anger clouding my mental...
laid back and mellow, like a third eye existed destroyed...
a struggle within me, the grip of despair, the mindless void...
the thoughtless journey, once hopeless, now a vision controlled...
found the answer to life, blood of the savior flows through my soul...
i still walk on sidewalks of concrete, i and i temple transformed...
but now i walk with a father, i will never again walk alone...

-sidewalks of concrete-